Thursday, August 8, 2013

Being Mom

You know... this whole mom thing can be really tough. I've been browsing blogs of friends and of other moms I don't know on a personal level, reading in wonder at how amazing they all are and wallowing in my inadequacies.... I read of their love and joy for motherhood and wonder why frustration rises so quickly when Hyrum won't go to bed when I want him to. **Um... he just had an explosive diaper waiting to happen... chill out Kimball.** (This was my most recent "I'm so inadequate" experience.)

I have the most adorable 13 month old boy... why do I get so worked up over the smallest things? Actually, I know why. Being Mom is a refiner's fire... I'm realizing just how self-centered I can be... Being Mom is wearing at my rough edges of pride and that's hard.

I never thought I would have a hard time being a wife and mother. I always thought I fit the bill... I was going to be such a natural... other people even told me that. Then I got married. Wow... this wife business is tough! Then sweet Hyrum joined us. Reality is setting in. I'm not a "natural" at this mom (or wife) business. Some days I think teaching sophomores in High School was eons easier than raising a little boy... this is taking a lot of getting used to. That's okay though.

My motherhood struggles remind me about how I always wanted to run track and cross-country; how I gave my all but was never that great, but I LOVED every moment. I loved/still love running until it hurts and I'm blinded by my sweat. I loved every scrape and bruise I acquired from hitting hurdles. I loved every finish line I ever crossed because it meant I made it one more time. I loved measuring myself up to my prior races. Every PR (Personal Record) was a success, no matter what place I got in the race (which was rarely in the first 3). Track is just one experience of many throughout my life. There are a couple things I know I'm really great at that come fairly naturally, but most things... most have been tough, but that's what I loved about them. I LOVE overcoming hard things.

Most of my fondest moments in life are from working through those hard things. To name a few: Lazy eye-social issues. Moving 10 million times. Flute (although this is one I feel comes fairly naturally, there's A LOT of hard work that went/goes into this). Track and Cross-Country. Hostess at Winger's- thank you Oscar for showing me where I was weak. Mission, Mission, Mission. Student-Teaching. Teaching Sophomores at Granger High School. Wife. Mother.

I'm still in the midst of those last two and am far weaker than I am strong, but this Being Mom has some pretty great moments.

To name a few:

  • Perfect crazy blonde hair and bright blue eyes. 
  • Hugs from my Hyrum boy.
  • Kisses from my Hyrum boy.
  • Learning to walk... toddler is such a perfect word- I love watching him toddle around.
  • Baby babble to himself.
  • Baby babble to other babies.
  • Bringing me a book to read together. There's nothing more adorable than those big blue eyes looking up at me full of excitement while holding a book out for me to grab, then crawling into my lap... even though 2 minutes later he's done with the story (whether we finished or not) and on to another adventure. 
  • The joy of rolling the soccer ball back and forth.
  • Morning chatter.
  • Excitement when Dad gets home. He can hardly contain himself. It's really fun to build it up. We hid in the hall closet the other day and popped out to surprise David. Ah. Successful Mom AND Wife moment!
  • Eating peanut butter with a spoon. He's my boy. :)
  • Dinner time mess.
  • Watering the garden... or rather flooding it...
  • Veggie Tales.
  • Waving his arms around and laughing while I sing primary songs.
  • Tickling followed by squeals of laughter.
  • Moments where love suddenly flows through me as he falls asleep in my arms.
  • Growling at pictures of tigers and lions.
  • Licking my toes.... that just happened tonight.
  • Eating mud.
  • Splashing in the tub so water flies everywhere and everyone is wet.
  • Grabbing my fingers and leading me where he wants to go... usually to the front door to go outside.
  • Squeals of excitement at the realization we are going outside.
  • "Ooh, ooh, ooh!" when he sees animals.
  • Cousin love.
  • Playing the piano.
  • Dancing to music... even to singing Hymns at church. ;)
  • Light in his eyes. 
Being Mom is tough, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The following pictures are from a variety of ages... that way you can see Hyrum as he's always been. :)

I sure love this boy.